What is this journal? Well it's where I _used_ to do excessive process commentary but now.... eh
I have been diagnosed with ADHD (for various custodial reasons I never experienced medical treatment for this in my youth. As an adult I usually find I either have money and access to healthcare but not the time in my schedule to pursue treatment or time but not money and access to healthcare. Now that I have a clearer picture of why I was never medically treated in my youth I have no philosophical objections to exploring doing so if I could figure out the money/healthcare/time quandary)
I have not been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. I have, however, found that environments designed to accommodate common needs of people on the spectrum that tend to be counter-intuitive to most neurotypicals are environments that are restful to me, that some tools designed with the needs of many autistic people in mind are useful to me.
If you are someone whose experience of gender is that there are two and only two options, they are clearly different and separate, what gender someone is is something that is obvious to themselves and everyone around them their whole life and none of that ever changes - then gender as I have experienced it would probably seem very counter-intuitive and fictional to you. And yet, I experience what I experience despite that.
(very non-technical description of what gender is like for me) If a 90 year old lady and a being from a race that does not reproduce sexually went through a transporter together and ended up one being on the other side, that is what gender is like for me. The term I currently am using for this is "neutrois demicrone". I also like the term "cronequeer".
Architect temperment but sometimes I think I seem more Inventor-y in a social setting where I feel comfortable (such settings are not common, I just tend to spend a lot of time in one once I identify it ;)
"In essentials, unity, in doubtful matters, liberty; in all things charity."
Pope John XXIII, Ad Petri Cathedram and popularly attributed to St. Augustine
"We are the light of the world Let our light shine before all That they may see the good that we do And give glory to God"
A me-belief: "If you care about each other, and it seems like your needs conflict..... instead of just accepting that at face value, it seems to me that it is important to take time to sit down and discern the true shape of each need to find out what is and isn't negotiable"
Important relationship note about me - Close relationships involving me get a lot of mileage out of explicit negotiation. That's not to say that I can't be involved in relationships where there is a requirement for negotiation to be more implicit and less explicit.... more unspoken and less articulated.... it's just the implicit is a very inefficient lever where I am concerned and has rarely, to my knowledge, resulted in any kind of measurable progress. (Yes, explicitness may involve time and energy.... but on the other hand, learning will result.... and I value learning whether or not I am comfortable with any particular detail that I have learned)
I'd say I'm really more of a bluestocking than a tomboy
I'm not saying that the Catholic Church and I are definitely breaking up.... but I do think we should try seeing other people. (which is not to say the things about Catholicism below are no longer my feelings... I'm just trying to get a better understanding of how I fit into the world as it actually exists outside my mind right now)
(I currently would say my relationship with the Catholic Church is somewhat similar to realizing that an important person in one's life is an addict and doesn't seem to be trying to do anything about it :/ )
I am Catholic. I take that seriously. By that I do not mean that by any stretch of the imagination that I practice my faith perfectly, but I continue to strive to better myself and the world around me through striving towards a more perfect practice of my faith. While I am more than willing to discuss unfortunate failures of Catholics or Catholicism to be the example and wellspring that it should be, I will state at the start that I have little use for discussions that are only about bashing the Catholic Church.
On the other hand I am fiercely pro-ecumenism. Does that mean I don't think there are times when the drive towards ecumenism is misdirected? No, but it does mean that conversations based on the idea the ecumenism is definitionally corrupt and inspired by evil forces are going to get about as far with me as conversations that involve bashing the Catholic church.
It is not about praying for God to "be with us"
God loves us. God does not suffer from human limitations on being with loved ones. God is with us.
It is about praying to experience that reality/truth.
It is not about attracting the attention of a wayward and fickle deity. It is about opening our senses to God's eternal presence and Love.
I have discovered over the years that I do not really appreciate the flavor of drive-by intimacy whether physical, hormonal or emotional.
Bella + Edward = exactly my brand of heroin (*sigh*)