"Fun" ADHD paradox
One may be more likely to experience hunger when one is insufficiently medicated
But one is more likely to be able to muster the executive functioning required for tasks involved in corraling nutrients and inserting nutrients into one's digestive system when medicated
Another "humanity" catch-22
"Et cetera" "miscellaneous" are in various ways proudly pointed to as "that's what makes us HUMAN"
"Et cetera" "miscellaneous" are expected to be bounded in unspoken, implicit ways.
If you don't automatically stay within those implicit boundaries.... if you defiantly demand that those boundaries be explicitly acknowledged, declared, examined - your humanity comes under suspicion
I'm feeling really resentful right now
of the excessive popularity
of narratives that show someone under pressure and upset
and imply that this dooms them to harm others,
dooms them to harm people who don't deserve harm,
dooms them to harm large numbers of people.
The "and then they became a monster" narratives.
I resent that in the middle of struggling to survive
I am fearing "becoming" something that deserves eradication
(especially given the existence of systems that already judge me as harmful and deserving to be eradicated simply for existing)
I resent the impression that every defensive motion and sound of protest
"proves" me dangerous
"proves" me deserving of harm done to me
in the past
in the present
in moments yet to come
I don't want to be "a monster"
But I want to survive
Oooooooooh a putting-into-words
I think a key aspect of attraction for me has ALWAYS involved awareness that the other person experiences some significant alienation from mainstream masculinity/femininity that they feel they "should" identify with (in some cases both if they feel there are reasons they should identify with each)
The thing that developed in the last 5ish years was a realization that it is really dangerous for me to invest intimate trust in people who experience significant alienation from mainstream masculinity/femininity BUT value been seen as successfully assimilating with mainstream masculinity or mainstream femininity enough to habitually, routinely even devotedly sacrifice their needs and/or mine in order to protect that appearance of successful assimilation
I have, in fact, drawn a line that I am ABSOLUTELY UNWILLING TO HAVE ANY EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with someone who believes that it is just for a person to routinely sacrifice their needs in order to be seen as successfully assimilating with mainstream masculinity or femininity (this ABSOLUTELY includes anyone who believes it is just for a person to routinely deny their needs so that the assimilation with mainstream masculinity/femininity of another person in a visible relationship with them is seen to be successful)
For related reasons I have drawn a similar line that I am absolutely unwilling to have any emotionally intimate relationship with someone who believes it is just for a person to routinely sacrifice their needs in order to be seen as successfully assimilating with neuronormative expectations
I'm bi for librarycore dandys vs (I don't know if I will end up with a more pithy term but for now calling it "fierce yet adorkable femmes" )
I really really hate that authoritarian forces exploit my communitarian instincts by using the sexiness of big data FOR EVIL
I am (hosting, enabling? facilitating?) the tracking, 'crowd source bus ride info' functionality of the Transit app on my Android supplementary brain prosthetic for now in return for occasional droplets of community service-related happiness brain chemicals
So apparently it is possible to accidentally set up an alibris account with one email address and an alibris search notification tied to a different email address for which one does not actually have an alibris account set up
such that once a particular work shows up in alibris and you do with that information what you had planned to... you keep for a while getting notifications you can't figure out how to turn back off
Am definitely happy to see though that notifications DO work
(And this is a way to know when something initially only available on Amazon starts becoming available anywhere else)
(Amazon and I do not currently have a transactional relationship)
I think I really just want a queerplatonic reverse harem of Librarycore Dandys to fuss over and "may I offer you a meme in this trying time?"
It's not like I ever understood the whole "dating" thing anyways
I wonder how many people with "pathological demand avoidance" also have fawning trauma response
And if for those people that's actually connected
Because if you find yourself to have been kind of traumatically programmed to automatically go along with demands
Is it really so surprising to really resent that?
To especially resent cloaked demands, demands artificially wrapped in flattery or concern or insistence that it's what you really want to do?
I've been finding myself thinking about that this week